sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I would fuck him just for his dog
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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