dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
