Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
