He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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