Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
