tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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