when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
