Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
