Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
