Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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