girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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