she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
