she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
