Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
