is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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