I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
