here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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