small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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