i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
