So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
