I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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