Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize
