Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
