and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He better not be in your backpack
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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