Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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