Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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