Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
