Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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