Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
