eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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