Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
