is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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