You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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