is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
