Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
