Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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