I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
