Betty ford says i'm here all night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
