just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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