Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
