When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize