Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
