So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
