video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
