I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
40s are totally the cure
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
