After last night, I could never be a politician.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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