New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
