How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was like eating out sand paper
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
