i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
