apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
