Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
