bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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