there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize