i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
