How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is it because I queefed?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
