So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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