You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
In America we eat man semen.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
