Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it hurts more in the daytime
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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