There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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