He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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