went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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